Capture It

It's been such a long time since I really flexed my writing muscles. I'm slowly unfurling that part of my mind from where it's been cramped and squished into a corner of my brain.

I'm stretched across my bed, occupied in watching the sky through my window. If I stare long enough I can almost fool myself that there isn't really a pane of glass. That there's in fact nothing separating me from the beauty of the outside world. Yet, I can't believe it. You see, the air is distinctly 'inside air'; still and lifeless. Outside, air flicks about you in little whips and flurries. With outside air, every breath is a tiny delight as the freshness rushes into you, waking you from inside out. And that's not how the air in my room feels.

Just so you know, the sky I'm seeing, and am more than a little captivated by is white, a brilliant white, and the clouds are great grey smudges. Curiously, they're not ugly smears, but soft and lovely; dark at the centre then fading and blending at the edges into lightness. They're drifting right now, slowly and almost solemnly from left to right. They don't look quite ready to release their rain. But I can imagine that later in the day, a stranger will curse at the same clouds for depositing a whole lot on him. Or perhaps he will lift up his arms and receive the raindrops as a gift. His choice.

Was there a point to all this writing?
Not particularly. But as I let my little chewed biro scrawl across my favourite notebook, I had a good think. And I decided that if there has to be a point, then that point is beauty. We experience beauty and then we want to capture it. Some people paint and draw, but that has never been a talent of mine, not even a little bit. I could simply take a photo of the view, but then I wouldn't be able to share the full, layered beauty of this exact moment. Because the beauty is not only in the gloriousness of the sky, but in so many other things too. The way the light gleams across my mirror and reveals that it's actually speckled with smudges, from top to toe. Or the empty mug beside me, around which the faintest wisp of 'tea smell' lingers. Or the curious mixture of sounds that is my ipod on shuffle. Or the quiet nagging ache in my elbows from leaning too long on them whilst writing this. Or suddenly, in the midst of everything, realising that I've dumped a pile of freshly ironed clothes on the floor where they're merely going to become creased again.

This is being alive. And I'm just trying to catch an inch of it with words.
All that beauty.

A Story

Inhibitions have vanished under the smoky lights. Bodies pulse vibrantly, captured by the booming rhythms. They seem so free, I envy them. I want to see the world how they see it. A blur of colour and light and sound spinning before my eyes. I want to fly. Desire and longing shimmer in my veins, pulling me slowly but surely from my well-worn path of safety. A boy stands before me. Even in the shadowy light, I know who he is. His face is so familiar; it’s been the entirety of my thoughts for months. The curve of his smile consumes my heart and I am running, running into the darkness, trusting him to catch me.

But he can’t. And that’s when I realise. The people around me aren’t flying. They’re falling. My beautiful boy is just a broken soul who can’t even catch himself. I’m colliding with everyone. I smash into them with dizzying speed. I can feel my mind shattering and I’m scared. Control has crumbled. A bottle of WKD fuels the desperate screams of a girl beside me. A boy and a girl whip past me, clinging to each other with such fierceness as they fall. I can’t see, I can’t think, I can’t feel. Nothing. Then two words explode from my lips: “SAVE ME!”. I scream them to the sky.

He hears; He comes. With his sword of shimmering light, He obliterates the chains of my mind. I know Him. He feels like warmth on the first day of spring, like hope in a new beginning, like fire and joy.

I’m back on the dance floor and the world has stopped spinning. I’ve been caught by the true and everlasting God. Safe and loved, I breathe deep to calm myself. But all around people continue to plummet. Broken, lost, alone. I can see the pain in His eyes as he watches them, and His pain becomes mine. I have to help them.

Suddenly, a sword of light appears in my hands. It’s not as bright and brilliant as His, but it is there nonetheless. It comes from Him. And I know why He has given it to me. For one tiny instant, I am scared, but then love floods me. His love. It’s running in my veins, coursing through my blood. It gives me strength, courage and protection. I grasp the sword firmly and look up at Him. I am ready.

What Lies Hidden in Wardrobes

So yesterday I was doing some real deep thinking, what with it being New Years and a time for reflection and all that jazz. However my train of thought sort of ran away and ended up at C.S.Lewis and how very much I should like to meet him.
I was never one of those kids who climbed trees or rode my bike down hills. I was the quiet kid who sat in the corner reading, and reading, and always reading. There's something so magical about books, there's a whole world bound up in their pages.

The books transported her into new worlds and introduced her to amazing people who lived exciting lives. She went on olden-day sailing ships with Joseph Conrad. She went to Africa with Ernest Hemingway and to India with Rudyard Kipling. She travelled all over the world while sitting in her little room in an English village. - From Matilda by Roald Dahl

My favourite place to travel, was undoubtedly Narnia. A place where animals talked, where the trees came alive, where children became Kings and Queens...

And then there was Aslan. I never quite knew what to make of him. He was terrifying and elusive, yet compassionate and loving. He quite literally boggled my brain.

"He'll be coming and going. One day you'll see him and another you won't. He doesn't like being tied down - and of course he has other countries to attend to. It's quite all right. He'll often drop in. Only you mustn't press him. He's wild, you know. Not like a tame lion."

There's so much contained within the world of Narnia <3 Since I've become a Christian, people have been recommending C.S.Lewis books to me. Not only his fiction, but his Christian writing. And through these books I've been discovering his wisdom :) "You don't have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body"
"A woman's heart should be so close to God that a man should have to chase Him to find her."
"I think that all things, in their way, reflect heavenly truth, the imagination not least."
I can't really explain why, but his writing clicks with me, it makes perfect sense. I feel like the voice of C.S.Lewis has been with me all my life. The author of my childhood stories, the inspiration behind my wild imagination. An imagination that has led to some truly epic daydreams during science lessons...
And now I'm looking over all his work with a new pair of eyes, reading his stories with the same belief he had, that Jesus Christ is the Son of God and that he died for us. Just as Aslan died for Edmund, then rose again.

"If the witch understood the true meaning of sacrifice, she might have interpreted the Deep Magic differently, for when a willing victim who has committed no treachery, dies in a traitor’s stead, the stone table will crack and even death itself will turn backwards." - Aslan

Looking back now, the message behind these words is so obvious, but I missed it.
There are messages scattered throughout the entire Narnia series.

"Aslan," said Lucy through her tears, "could you -- will you -- do something for these poor Dwarfs?"
"Dearest," said Aslan, "I will show you both what I can, and what I cannot do. ... You see," said Aslan. "They will not let us help them. They have chosen cunning instead of belief. Their prison is only in their own minds, yet they are in that prison; and so afraid of being taken in that they cannot be taken out." - The Last Battle by C.S.Lewis

Ahhh, it is because of stuff like THIS that I would very much like to meet Mr. Lewis, just to shake his hand and say thank you because even now, as I discover other books of his, such as The Screwtape Letters or Mere Christianity, his words help me so much. Help me to understand things I didn't realise I wasn't understanding...

So yes, essentially, this blog post was a gushing of how much I like the writings of C.S.Lewis. His words have been bouncing through my head the past few weeks and I needed to share them with people :)

"I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen. Not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else..." -written by....C.S.Lewis of course =]