Gloss

Lipglossed lips,
so smooth they shine.
Pink Perfection;
these lips of mine.

So how can it be
from their beauty spills,
words that cause
so many ills?

Words of anger,
born from pain,
they just come tumbling
from my brain.

I think there's something
wrong in me.
Left broken,
-not that you could see.

Lipglossed lips,
with much to hide.
What dark perfection;
these lips of mine.

Snow and Psalms

The snow makes England look like.... Narnia.
And it's so beautiful.
I'm naturally a summer girl, I adore sunshine. However I can easily put up with grey skies when a blanket of white snow settles.

I mean just take a look at what happened to the big tree
outside my house:


And the postbox:


However, many SILLY people grumbled about the snow, and how after five days of it, they would rather be at school.
I told these people, something a very wise friend once said to me, "We've had five days of snow, but we've had 12 years of school; I know which one I'm more bored of..."
However, now it has gone, melted away in the night and everything has gone back to normal. School returns.
Today, I was doing some bible reading with my friend Anna over Skype (which is awesome btw, if you don't have it GET IT) and we were going through psalms and realising just how awesome they are. The message versions in particular are so inspiring. I think psalms have a way a putting exactly how you feel into words, like prayers that you didn't quite know how to say. Anyway, this verse of Psalm 119 really grabbed our attention.

"Let your love, God, shape my life
with salvation, exactly as you promised;
Then I'll be able to stand up to mockery
because I trusted your Word.
Don't ever deprive me of truth, not ever—
your commandments are what I depend on.
Oh, I'll guard with my life what you've revealed to me,
guard it now, guard it ever;
And I'll stride freely through wide open spaces
as I look for your truth and your wisdom;
Then I'll tell the world what I find,
speak out boldly in public, unembarrassed.
I cherish your commandments—oh, how I love them!—
relishing every fragment of your counsel."

The line "I'll be able to stand up to mockery because I trusted your word" really spoke to me. So often when people mock me, I let doubt flood me. I have prayed for God to help me and I've realised that what I need to do is spend time reading the bible, so that whenever I am filled with doubt, I will be able to recall God's words and his promises. My feelings change from day to day, but God's word is constant. I know which one I should put my trust in.

Also, I watched The Sound Of Music, and came to the conclusion that telling people about your favourite things feels good :)
Soooo, my favourite book this week was Lord Of The Flies. It was a birthday present from my parents and I hadn't had time to read it till now. It's amazing. The writing is just so brilliant, and the book is so compellingly dark and scary. I really wish we were doing it as our exam novel now.
Favourite song at the moment is I Choose You by Point of Grace, and I'm loving He Is We. They're a really good indie band, just nice to listen to. This is their page on PureVolume:
http://www.purevolume.com/HEISWE
Lastly, favourite TV show was, without a doubt, Glee! It just makes you so happy, and the characters are so funny and loveable. The music is ridiculously good aswell. Don't believe me? Look for the Glee cover of Don't Stop Believin on youtube, it kicks butt ;P

Another Attempt at Poetry :)

A broken heart,
A troubled mind,
These things were mine.
Sleepless nights,
Tormented dreams,
These things I knew.
What is this power,
That sweeps my soul,
From inside out?
He sets me free,
Smashes my chains,
I breathe his name
“Jesus”.
Joy, light, life,
And I am born again.

What Lies Hidden in Wardrobes

So yesterday I was doing some real deep thinking, what with it being New Years and a time for reflection and all that jazz. However my train of thought sort of ran away and ended up at C.S.Lewis and how very much I should like to meet him.
I was never one of those kids who climbed trees or rode my bike down hills. I was the quiet kid who sat in the corner reading, and reading, and always reading. There's something so magical about books, there's a whole world bound up in their pages.

The books transported her into new worlds and introduced her to amazing people who lived exciting lives. She went on olden-day sailing ships with Joseph Conrad. She went to Africa with Ernest Hemingway and to India with Rudyard Kipling. She travelled all over the world while sitting in her little room in an English village. - From Matilda by Roald Dahl

My favourite place to travel, was undoubtedly Narnia. A place where animals talked, where the trees came alive, where children became Kings and Queens...

And then there was Aslan. I never quite knew what to make of him. He was terrifying and elusive, yet compassionate and loving. He quite literally boggled my brain.

"He'll be coming and going. One day you'll see him and another you won't. He doesn't like being tied down - and of course he has other countries to attend to. It's quite all right. He'll often drop in. Only you mustn't press him. He's wild, you know. Not like a tame lion."

There's so much contained within the world of Narnia <3 Since I've become a Christian, people have been recommending C.S.Lewis books to me. Not only his fiction, but his Christian writing. And through these books I've been discovering his wisdom :) "You don't have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body"
"A woman's heart should be so close to God that a man should have to chase Him to find her."
"I think that all things, in their way, reflect heavenly truth, the imagination not least."
I can't really explain why, but his writing clicks with me, it makes perfect sense. I feel like the voice of C.S.Lewis has been with me all my life. The author of my childhood stories, the inspiration behind my wild imagination. An imagination that has led to some truly epic daydreams during science lessons...
And now I'm looking over all his work with a new pair of eyes, reading his stories with the same belief he had, that Jesus Christ is the Son of God and that he died for us. Just as Aslan died for Edmund, then rose again.

"If the witch understood the true meaning of sacrifice, she might have interpreted the Deep Magic differently, for when a willing victim who has committed no treachery, dies in a traitor’s stead, the stone table will crack and even death itself will turn backwards." - Aslan

Looking back now, the message behind these words is so obvious, but I missed it.
There are messages scattered throughout the entire Narnia series.

"Aslan," said Lucy through her tears, "could you -- will you -- do something for these poor Dwarfs?"
"Dearest," said Aslan, "I will show you both what I can, and what I cannot do. ... You see," said Aslan. "They will not let us help them. They have chosen cunning instead of belief. Their prison is only in their own minds, yet they are in that prison; and so afraid of being taken in that they cannot be taken out." - The Last Battle by C.S.Lewis

Ahhh, it is because of stuff like THIS that I would very much like to meet Mr. Lewis, just to shake his hand and say thank you because even now, as I discover other books of his, such as The Screwtape Letters or Mere Christianity, his words help me so much. Help me to understand things I didn't realise I wasn't understanding...

So yes, essentially, this blog post was a gushing of how much I like the writings of C.S.Lewis. His words have been bouncing through my head the past few weeks and I needed to share them with people :)

"I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen. Not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else..." -written by....C.S.Lewis of course =]

Exams

These days I find myself being one of those people who actually rather likes exams. I mean, before the exam life is horrible, you stress out, and panic about revision, but once you're in there, it's all calm. Just you and an exam paper and a pen and you do the best you can.
I wasn't like this last time. Last summer I freaked; and failure is what freaked me.
Because I was surrounded by pressure. People who love me, who mean well, but who all say the same thing. "You need to do well." That was what ran through my mind as I sat in my exams last time.

"What if I disappoint them?"
"What if I don't get my grades?"
"What if I mess up my future?"
"What if...?"
"What if...?"

but, here's the thing: God loves me

He has a plan for my life. Something wonderful and amazing.

Proverbs 3:6 promises us, "In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths."

So, if I trust in God, there is NOTHING that I can do that is so bad that my life will be ruined forever. God is bigger than that. Whatever knocks me down, He will pick me up again and put me on the right path.

Last night at church, a friend was praying for me when she saw something. She told me, it was like my soul was shattered with bullet wounds, but that the Holy Spirit had come and made me new again, healed me on the inside.
I could feel it too, like there was light and joy inside of me.

I know that no matter how many new bullet wounds tear my soul, Jesus will always heal me. Once again, I have been shown that I am not alone, not ever. So, why should I be afraid of what might happen?

"The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." Deuteronomy 31:8

Exam panic?
I think I can handle it now :)

Prove It...

"Prove to me that You are real"
She cries,
Desperate to know.

But, The birds in the sky,
So beautiful in flight,
Are they not proof?

The Earth in space,
Made perfect for life,
Is that not proof?

The broken,
That are now healed.
The lonely,
That are now loved.
The chained,
That are now free.

"I have seen and believe,"
We cry gratefully.
Our eyes opened.

<3

Merry Christmas EVERYONE xD

Okay, so I know we're still in November, but I'm sitting here listening to Christmas and I'm just in the festive mood :)
I've had the worst day, but it's getting better. Partly because of the music but mostly because of what's happening later:
I'M GOING TO CHURCH!!

Now most people who read that will just be like "urrmmmm..."
Church? Exciting? Fun? I don't think so.
That's how I used to think. I was carted into church for my Christening (still unsure as to why I was christened, due to complete lack of Christian family, but oh well) and forced back there every year or so for Easter service or mothers day. Church was compulsory, and... it was deadly boring. My Dad refused to set foot in church, which left my Mum with the job of setting a good example. The Reverend would talk, and my brother and I would gaze around the building at all the other children, all feeling the same pain, all mentally wishing ourselves some place else.

Of course, nowadays I realise that what the Reverend was talking about probably wasn't all that boring, but to the mind of an 8 year old, it was insufferable.
For the 15 years THIS was my image of church, THIS was my only contact with God.

So imagine the shock I got when my best friend invited me along to her church. It was something else altogether. Firstly, there were teenagers there :O
Real, living, breathing teenagers, who actually looked happy, and not like they were there against their own will.
Secondly, there was worship. You know when you sing a hymn, but you're not actually singing, you're just kinda mouthing the words... and mouthing the wrong words in the wrong places because you don't know the tune, and you really don't care...
Well it was nothing like that. Every single person was singing, singing loudly, singing from their very souls.
I can't really explain to you the effect this had, and still has on me. For someone who had never been really sure of anything, to stand there among those people, who were singing with faith, with love, with purpose. I wanted to know what had inspired this, I needed to know.
The third thing that hit me was the kindness. In real life, strangers don't smile at you, they don't want to talk to you. They don't care about you. Suddenly, there are people I don't even know, and they were being nice to me. I can't tell you how unnerving it was.
That night, I started asking questions, and I was given answers. That night was the beginning of my journey.

6 months after that first visit, and I'm a very different person. I mean I'm writing about God, on a blog, on the internet for all the world to see :)
The church is like my second home, some days I just want to chain myself inside and NEVER LEAVE :P
So to everyone out there who's never experienced a church like that, a church that makes you feel alive, go now and find one! They are out there, ready to be found. God is waiting for you:
"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." Matthew 7:7

Now I'm off to church <3