Praise Poem

Faith is both hard and easy.
We walk the line of duality:
trudging soldiers and soaring eagles
on a narrow way,
an impossible path.
But on we go,
with fingers curled tight about the thumb of a Father;
No weight to our confused
and crisscrossing legs.

"The LORD directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives. Though they stumble, they will never fall, for the LORD holds them by the hand." - Psalm 37:23

Living

It's been such a long while since I've done anything. I always have an excuse; 'I'm revising' 'It's exam period' 'I'm on holiday' 'I'm working on my UCAS' 'I'm waiting for results' 'I just got my results' 'PERSONAL STATEMENT!'


It's silly really. 
I just need to live.
It's one of my greatest fears, being lost in the mundane. That each day drags into the same, until you lose that sense of awe at how vast the sky you live under is, at how fresh the morning feels, at simple things like bare feet on over-hot tarmac and the messiness of finger-painting. I get so lost in what must be done that I forget to enjoy.


I went on holiday, wandered the beach at night, and read my bible, and this verse got stamped all over my heart..
"For when I tried to keep the law, it condemned me. So I died to the law—I stopped trying to meet all its requirements—so that I might live for God." - Galatians 2:19


And I realised, that I'd gotten so caught up in what must be done that I'd forgotten to just live for God. My actions were boxes that needed to be ticked 
- Read bible daily
- Pray for others
- Stop being so judgemental
- Work on the pride thing


Don't get me wrong, all these things needed to, and still need to be done, but I'd forgotten why I was doing them, how I could do them, how if I just took Jesus literally when he said "Love God, Love Others", everything else falls into place. I realised that every inch of me had been screaming out 'just let me live for God' but I hadn't been letting myself, I'd been hampering my freedom in Christ; because the freedom we're given is grace, the room to make mistakes, say sorry and ask for the Spirit's help to change. Nobody ever changed themselves through following the rules, only through experience, growth, acknowledging our faults and allowing ourselves to be shaped by God can we become even a little bit more like Jesus. There is a great joy that comes from knowing Christ, having him live in us and guide us, and I don't want to miss that because I'm too busy ticking off my 'how to live like a Christian' checklist.

So even though this blog post isn't perfect, neither am I. I could polish it and polish to make it look like how I want to be presented to the outside world. Or I can just stick it up here. It has the capacity to be wrong, but so do I. Just got to live life anyway.

Redefining Righteousness

Proverbs 24:16 says, “The righteous man falls down seven times, but seven times, he rises again.”
That’s not what comes to our minds when most of us think of a righteous person. We think they’re someone who never or rarely falls. But that’s because our idea of righteousness is rooted in self-righteousness. The real righteous person is the one who has been made righteous by Jesus and then can let Jesus pick him back up when up when he falls.   

This extract is taken from the blog of Steven Furtick, and was, to me, like a giant slap in the face. Although that image of punishment completely negates what this is saying. Perhaps it would be better to say it was a great dousing of grace, because my notion of righteousness is all wrong.
Being righteous, it's all about who can get to the point where they make the least mistakes, right? I can't believe I was believing that. A subconscious trick was telling me these lies.

The truth: a righteous person is a person whose righteousness comes from Christ.
Sounds basic, but it redefines our images of what it means to be righteous and holy. The world says this is a holy person:

Look how clean and shiny he is. But God isn't concerned with what the world labels as holy. I could never drink, attend church every sunday, tithe my money, spend my time volunteering, and the world might think I was 'righteous'. But God looks at the heart. And his definition of righteous is the one who trusts in God for their righteousness. Who has the humility to ask time and time again for his grace to be able to get back on their feet. It's so simple, and so beautiful. It's so much easier than trying to please the world, and live up to their expectation of 'righteousness'.

And what is even more astounding, is that when we lift our eyes off ourselves and concern for our own holiness, and fix them upon Jesus, the perfect example of righteousness, when we kneel before him, dwell in his love and search for him in his Word, he does it all for us anyway. The light of God shapes us inside first, then outside next, the way it's supposed to be.

It's time to stop the striving, and to stop believing the lies. 

You have not loved (and cannot love) your neighbor enough to please God, therefore, in order to stand righteous before God, you must trust in and glorify the Righteous One who loves his neighbor perfectly.

Various things stolen from:  http://www.stevenfurtick.com/ and http://dangitbill.wordpress.com/2010/04/29/who-may-stand-before-god/ 

Because I love Jesus.

I just wanted to write about him.
I just want to shout about him.
He is truth and life and everything to me.
He is my foundation and my solid rock, my hiding place and my shield, my strength, my comforter, my sustainer.
Even when I'm less than faithful, he's right beside me. When I'm not good enough, he loves me limitlessly. When I mess up, he brings me back to him every time.
He makes me stop looking at myself and turn to fix my eyes upon Him.

It hurts so much that you might not know him, that you might not know his love. You assume we preach at you because we think we're better at you, we want to impose upon you, we're making you be like us. WRONG WRONG WRONG. We fight for you, for your soul, for your very life, because we care for you. Because our Lord loves you so much he died for you and you don't even know it. And he has changed our hearts so we can see you through his eyes, as someone he wants to redeem, to restore, to love. Please understand this: God loves you.

Trust him. His plans are working towards the most amazing future:

"I heard a loud shout from the throne, saying, “Look, God’s home is now among his people! He will live with them, and they will be his people. God himself will be with them. He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever."- Revelation 21:3-4

Sometimes writing has a purpose, and sometimes it's just an outpouring of the heart.
Today my heart says praise to God.

Mary

I am a young girl, due to be married who loves and trusts in God. I am excited about my new life with my husband. I plan to be faithful to God and obey his laws in my marriage. Those are my expectations.

Then an angel turns up and tells me I'm going to have a baby who will be called 'Son of the Most High' and despite the fact that I'm a virgin, I'm going to get pregnant because God can do the impossible in me.
I think my response at this point would be a rather flabbergasted, "Excuse me?"

God doesn't give us what we expect. Mary probably had her own hopes and dreams for the future, her own gifts and talents that she had plans for. It is quite unlikely that what she expected was to be the mother of the messiah.

But here's the thing: God doesn't adhere to our expectations. He has crafted us futures that will be incredible and joyous and, most importantly, unexpected. Whatever I can dream up for my future will be ten thousand times weirder but more amazing in reality. Because when it comes to imagining we're all just amateurs compared to the creator of the universe, who imagined and brought to life everything, from brightly burning stars to little red ladybirds.

When God puts great big unexpected plot twists into our stories it can be simultaneously frightening and exciting. We can doubt whether this plan is really from God, whether God can really do it. What surprises me is Mary's reaction. "I am the Lord's servant," Mary answered. "May it be to me as you have said." There's no "This isn't what I expected", "What if this goes wrong?" or even "Well, what if I don't want this?". Instead she trusts in God and obeys him. She trusts that even though what she is being told sounds purely crazy, it is part of God's plan. She has faith that God is always good and his greatness overcomes all obstacles.

Mary was totally prepared to let God rewrite all the plans she had for her life.
I think that is pretty amazing.

A Year Ago Today

Today is my Christianniversary. Now, I realise that this isn't an official term, it's actually one that originated from a friend of mine, the beautiful Gabbi "http://love-beyond-life.blogspot.com" (that's her blog). She's not only a great friend, but she's my 'Christian twin'. On 5th July 2009 we both gave our lives to Jesus.

I've been thinking about this all morning. This is the first time that I've just sat and looked back over it all. This year has been a crazy one. I've had heartbreak and frustration. There's that time I threw my bible across the living room in a fit of childish temper and so many tears that I'm surprised my eyes continue to produce them.

However, these things are insignificant when I think about what this year really was. It was a year of hope and of healing. A whole other way of life was opened up to me; a way of faith and beauty and joy. It's like suddenly seeing the world in a thousand different colours and I am stunned. How did I never see this? And why was I so content with black and white?



'Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free' - John 8:32
To all the people who thought I was being brainwashed: I say yes. I have had my brain washed. It's been cleaned of the rubbish and set free by new truths. When I first came to God I was broken. I didn't think that I was, but I guess it's only since I've been fixed up that I can see what a state I was in. I was insecure. I thought so little of myself. I hated what I looked like. The only part of myself that I thought was worth anything was my intelligence. And because this was the only thing I prized in myself, it became the only thing I valued in others. I was also broken-hearted and terrified that I was unlovable. Always scared that I annoyed my friends; that they would tire of me or see me as I really was and leave. Then I met Jesus and everything got turned upside down.

None of these things vanished overnight. It's been a journey (clichéd I know, but oh well). It's been long and painful and much counselling from Amy Mehta and various other peoples has been required. But God heals. What's amazing now, is that I can look back at who I was and look at who I am now and be blown away by how much God has done in me. And for that, I am so ridiculously grateful. God has shown me that I can have confidence that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I am loved unconditionally. He sees the depths of my heart, the good and the bad, and loves me the same. He gives me joy. As for the other problem; 'He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.' - Psalm 147:3.
I most definitely agree.

I am whole and re-made. And to think that this is only the beginning. I am being filled up, learning to lean on my God, delighting in His word, seeking His presence, because He is everything. And I know that when the time comes He will reveal His plan for me. He will send me out.

He knows me,
He loves me,
He saved me.
I stand in awe because He died for me.

There is nothing more beautiful or more glorious than this.
The world has nothing to offer that could make me tear my eyes from Him.
One word engraved into my being; Jesus.
Let Your name always be there,
on my heart.

Love

Sometimes it can get to so easy to become caught up in the little things.
I haven't opened my bible in forever,
I just don't feel like praying,
I gossip,
I bitch,
I swear,
I am such a bad person.

We need to remember the big things:
"And Jesus answered: 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.' This is the first and most important command. And the second command is like the first: 'Love your neighbor as you love yourself.' All the law and the writings of the prophets depend on these two commands."

We need to plant these commands in our heart, and from that, all else will come. It will be so easy to follow the little rules once we are living out the big rules.

Keep faithful, love God, love others; NOTHING is more important than this.
It's not always easy, but it is always rewarding...

Mathematics

You know the basic rules of maths. 2+2=4 You never question that.
When somebody asks you a maths question you don't know, do you suddenly doubt the very existence of maths? No. You simply accept that you don't know maths well enough to know the answer.
A 5 year old gets that they just aren't able to do quadratic equations. So why can't we accept that we aren't wise enough to comprehend all of God.
We know that God is good but when somebody throws an earthquake or cancer or floods into the equation, suddenly we start calling the basic rules into question.
Why do we do this?
God IS good and 2+2=4
That stuff doesn't change.

Snow and Psalms

The snow makes England look like.... Narnia.
And it's so beautiful.
I'm naturally a summer girl, I adore sunshine. However I can easily put up with grey skies when a blanket of white snow settles.

I mean just take a look at what happened to the big tree
outside my house:


And the postbox:


However, many SILLY people grumbled about the snow, and how after five days of it, they would rather be at school.
I told these people, something a very wise friend once said to me, "We've had five days of snow, but we've had 12 years of school; I know which one I'm more bored of..."
However, now it has gone, melted away in the night and everything has gone back to normal. School returns.
Today, I was doing some bible reading with my friend Anna over Skype (which is awesome btw, if you don't have it GET IT) and we were going through psalms and realising just how awesome they are. The message versions in particular are so inspiring. I think psalms have a way a putting exactly how you feel into words, like prayers that you didn't quite know how to say. Anyway, this verse of Psalm 119 really grabbed our attention.

"Let your love, God, shape my life
with salvation, exactly as you promised;
Then I'll be able to stand up to mockery
because I trusted your Word.
Don't ever deprive me of truth, not ever—
your commandments are what I depend on.
Oh, I'll guard with my life what you've revealed to me,
guard it now, guard it ever;
And I'll stride freely through wide open spaces
as I look for your truth and your wisdom;
Then I'll tell the world what I find,
speak out boldly in public, unembarrassed.
I cherish your commandments—oh, how I love them!—
relishing every fragment of your counsel."

The line "I'll be able to stand up to mockery because I trusted your word" really spoke to me. So often when people mock me, I let doubt flood me. I have prayed for God to help me and I've realised that what I need to do is spend time reading the bible, so that whenever I am filled with doubt, I will be able to recall God's words and his promises. My feelings change from day to day, but God's word is constant. I know which one I should put my trust in.

Also, I watched The Sound Of Music, and came to the conclusion that telling people about your favourite things feels good :)
Soooo, my favourite book this week was Lord Of The Flies. It was a birthday present from my parents and I hadn't had time to read it till now. It's amazing. The writing is just so brilliant, and the book is so compellingly dark and scary. I really wish we were doing it as our exam novel now.
Favourite song at the moment is I Choose You by Point of Grace, and I'm loving He Is We. They're a really good indie band, just nice to listen to. This is their page on PureVolume:
http://www.purevolume.com/HEISWE
Lastly, favourite TV show was, without a doubt, Glee! It just makes you so happy, and the characters are so funny and loveable. The music is ridiculously good aswell. Don't believe me? Look for the Glee cover of Don't Stop Believin on youtube, it kicks butt ;P

What Lies Hidden in Wardrobes

So yesterday I was doing some real deep thinking, what with it being New Years and a time for reflection and all that jazz. However my train of thought sort of ran away and ended up at C.S.Lewis and how very much I should like to meet him.
I was never one of those kids who climbed trees or rode my bike down hills. I was the quiet kid who sat in the corner reading, and reading, and always reading. There's something so magical about books, there's a whole world bound up in their pages.

The books transported her into new worlds and introduced her to amazing people who lived exciting lives. She went on olden-day sailing ships with Joseph Conrad. She went to Africa with Ernest Hemingway and to India with Rudyard Kipling. She travelled all over the world while sitting in her little room in an English village. - From Matilda by Roald Dahl

My favourite place to travel, was undoubtedly Narnia. A place where animals talked, where the trees came alive, where children became Kings and Queens...

And then there was Aslan. I never quite knew what to make of him. He was terrifying and elusive, yet compassionate and loving. He quite literally boggled my brain.

"He'll be coming and going. One day you'll see him and another you won't. He doesn't like being tied down - and of course he has other countries to attend to. It's quite all right. He'll often drop in. Only you mustn't press him. He's wild, you know. Not like a tame lion."

There's so much contained within the world of Narnia <3 Since I've become a Christian, people have been recommending C.S.Lewis books to me. Not only his fiction, but his Christian writing. And through these books I've been discovering his wisdom :) "You don't have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body"
"A woman's heart should be so close to God that a man should have to chase Him to find her."
"I think that all things, in their way, reflect heavenly truth, the imagination not least."
I can't really explain why, but his writing clicks with me, it makes perfect sense. I feel like the voice of C.S.Lewis has been with me all my life. The author of my childhood stories, the inspiration behind my wild imagination. An imagination that has led to some truly epic daydreams during science lessons...
And now I'm looking over all his work with a new pair of eyes, reading his stories with the same belief he had, that Jesus Christ is the Son of God and that he died for us. Just as Aslan died for Edmund, then rose again.

"If the witch understood the true meaning of sacrifice, she might have interpreted the Deep Magic differently, for when a willing victim who has committed no treachery, dies in a traitor’s stead, the stone table will crack and even death itself will turn backwards." - Aslan

Looking back now, the message behind these words is so obvious, but I missed it.
There are messages scattered throughout the entire Narnia series.

"Aslan," said Lucy through her tears, "could you -- will you -- do something for these poor Dwarfs?"
"Dearest," said Aslan, "I will show you both what I can, and what I cannot do. ... You see," said Aslan. "They will not let us help them. They have chosen cunning instead of belief. Their prison is only in their own minds, yet they are in that prison; and so afraid of being taken in that they cannot be taken out." - The Last Battle by C.S.Lewis

Ahhh, it is because of stuff like THIS that I would very much like to meet Mr. Lewis, just to shake his hand and say thank you because even now, as I discover other books of his, such as The Screwtape Letters or Mere Christianity, his words help me so much. Help me to understand things I didn't realise I wasn't understanding...

So yes, essentially, this blog post was a gushing of how much I like the writings of C.S.Lewis. His words have been bouncing through my head the past few weeks and I needed to share them with people :)

"I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen. Not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else..." -written by....C.S.Lewis of course =]

Exams

These days I find myself being one of those people who actually rather likes exams. I mean, before the exam life is horrible, you stress out, and panic about revision, but once you're in there, it's all calm. Just you and an exam paper and a pen and you do the best you can.
I wasn't like this last time. Last summer I freaked; and failure is what freaked me.
Because I was surrounded by pressure. People who love me, who mean well, but who all say the same thing. "You need to do well." That was what ran through my mind as I sat in my exams last time.

"What if I disappoint them?"
"What if I don't get my grades?"
"What if I mess up my future?"
"What if...?"
"What if...?"

but, here's the thing: God loves me

He has a plan for my life. Something wonderful and amazing.

Proverbs 3:6 promises us, "In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths."

So, if I trust in God, there is NOTHING that I can do that is so bad that my life will be ruined forever. God is bigger than that. Whatever knocks me down, He will pick me up again and put me on the right path.

Last night at church, a friend was praying for me when she saw something. She told me, it was like my soul was shattered with bullet wounds, but that the Holy Spirit had come and made me new again, healed me on the inside.
I could feel it too, like there was light and joy inside of me.

I know that no matter how many new bullet wounds tear my soul, Jesus will always heal me. Once again, I have been shown that I am not alone, not ever. So, why should I be afraid of what might happen?

"The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." Deuteronomy 31:8

Exam panic?
I think I can handle it now :)

Merry Christmas EVERYONE xD

Okay, so I know we're still in November, but I'm sitting here listening to Christmas and I'm just in the festive mood :)
I've had the worst day, but it's getting better. Partly because of the music but mostly because of what's happening later:
I'M GOING TO CHURCH!!

Now most people who read that will just be like "urrmmmm..."
Church? Exciting? Fun? I don't think so.
That's how I used to think. I was carted into church for my Christening (still unsure as to why I was christened, due to complete lack of Christian family, but oh well) and forced back there every year or so for Easter service or mothers day. Church was compulsory, and... it was deadly boring. My Dad refused to set foot in church, which left my Mum with the job of setting a good example. The Reverend would talk, and my brother and I would gaze around the building at all the other children, all feeling the same pain, all mentally wishing ourselves some place else.

Of course, nowadays I realise that what the Reverend was talking about probably wasn't all that boring, but to the mind of an 8 year old, it was insufferable.
For the 15 years THIS was my image of church, THIS was my only contact with God.

So imagine the shock I got when my best friend invited me along to her church. It was something else altogether. Firstly, there were teenagers there :O
Real, living, breathing teenagers, who actually looked happy, and not like they were there against their own will.
Secondly, there was worship. You know when you sing a hymn, but you're not actually singing, you're just kinda mouthing the words... and mouthing the wrong words in the wrong places because you don't know the tune, and you really don't care...
Well it was nothing like that. Every single person was singing, singing loudly, singing from their very souls.
I can't really explain to you the effect this had, and still has on me. For someone who had never been really sure of anything, to stand there among those people, who were singing with faith, with love, with purpose. I wanted to know what had inspired this, I needed to know.
The third thing that hit me was the kindness. In real life, strangers don't smile at you, they don't want to talk to you. They don't care about you. Suddenly, there are people I don't even know, and they were being nice to me. I can't tell you how unnerving it was.
That night, I started asking questions, and I was given answers. That night was the beginning of my journey.

6 months after that first visit, and I'm a very different person. I mean I'm writing about God, on a blog, on the internet for all the world to see :)
The church is like my second home, some days I just want to chain myself inside and NEVER LEAVE :P
So to everyone out there who's never experienced a church like that, a church that makes you feel alive, go now and find one! They are out there, ready to be found. God is waiting for you:
"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." Matthew 7:7

Now I'm off to church <3

Hi there :)

Helloo
Nice to meet you.
My name is Charlee.
I'm 16.
I have too much coursework.
Dumbledore's death makes me cry.
I am hundreds of facts and opinions all smushed up together into a person.
But there's one thing I want you to know, I love God.

You may wonder why I'm writing this, and for a while I wasn't sure either, but it's because I need to tell someone. I need people to know about God, I want to share him with people! I want to shout it for everyone to hear. Jesus is all I want to talk about, but every day I contain it. I have all this passion and love trapped inside me but I'm afraid to let it all out.

Because every day I hear people laughing at God. People with contempt and scorn in their hearts who crush anyone with faith. The world is full of people who say that faith is full of contradictions, is impossible, yet they've never opened a bible, never been to a church that's alive with God. How can they ridicule what they don't fully understand?

And it's our job as Christians to help those people understand.
How terrifying is that?

Yet, I know what I have to do. Starting with this blog, I have to tell people about Jesus, regardless of whether they'll mock me or not. It's going to take strength and courage, but these are things that God will give me if I ask. Two months ago, I used to hide my bible when my friends came round, now I need to leave it open.

"For whoever is ashamed of Me and My words in this adulterous and sinful generation, the Son of Man will also be ashamed of him when He comes in the glory of His Father with the holy angels." Mark 8:38

I named this blog after a line in a song. A song by a singer called Regina Spektor.
She sings about how easy it is for the world to laugh at God when life is good, but when things get hard, that's when he becomes serious, that's when he becomes real for people.
But the truth is, He has always been real.

"No one laughs at God
When their airplane start to uncontrollably shake
No one’s laughing at God
When they see the one they love, hand in hand with someone else
And they hope that they’re mistaken

No one laughs at God
When the cops knock on their door
And they say we got some bad news, sir
No one’s laughing at God
When there’s a famine or fire or flood


But God can be funny
At a cocktail party when listening to a good God-themed joke, or
Or when the crazies say He hates us
And they get so red in the head you think they’re ‘bout to choke
God can be funny,
When told he’ll give you money if you just pray the right way
And when presented like a genie who does magic like Houdini
Or grants wishes like Jiminy Cricket and Santa Claus
God can be so hilarious
Ha ha
Ha ha"

From: Laughing With by Regina Spektor


God is love.